An Open Letter to Wizards of the Coast

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In the ever-evolving world of Dungeons & Dragons, where dragons roar and adventurers explore, it seems that even the mightiest of wizards cannot escape the wrath of political correctness. With the recent announcement by Wizards of the Coast to remove half-species from the Player’s Handbook, claiming they are “inherently racist,” one can’t help but wonder if they’ve ventured too far off the beaten path in their quest for inclusivity.

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In this twisted tale of fantastical folly, let us first address the half-species conundrum. If race mixing within the realms of imagination is deemed impure, does it not insinuate that the game’s creators harbor a similarly racist notion? Have they not considered that, in their eagerness to eradicate perceived prejudice, they might inadvertently be perpetuating the very ideas they seek to combat?

Of course, it’s all too easy to find problems if you peer closely enough into the murky depths of a magical mirror (as this person did even jokingly so). And so, dear reader, let us embark on a journey through the realm of Dungeons & Dragons, uncovering other fantastical faux pas that could use a touch of modern sensitivity.

First on our list of grievances is the concept of classes. Surely, it’s an affront to fairness that wizards can’t also be fighters without a dramatic class upheaval. It’s classist, plain and simple. Why should one be confined to a single identity when the world is a veritable smorgasbord of skills and abilities? Let the wizard brandish a sword if he so pleases, and leave the confines of class behind.

Next up, we have the discriminatory domain of attributes. In a world where equality is paramount, why should one character be inherently superior to another? It’s ableism at its finest. All adventurers should be equally able to scale the highest peaks and solve the most intricate puzzles, regardless of their inherent abilities.

Wizards of the Coast to remove half-species from Dungeons & Dragons.

And what of skills? Just because a character has dedicated countless hours to practicing their craft, does it truly make them better than their less experienced counterparts? Surely, the fresh perspective of a fledgling adventurer holds value in its own right. Scrap the skill system, and let us celebrate the unique experiences each character brings to the table.

Now, let us turn our attention to the dreaded levels. The very concept of one character advancing ahead of another simply because they’ve dispatched more orcs (and thus, stifled cultural diversity in the process) is utterly preposterous. What’s next, extra attacks per turn for the colonizing adventurers? It’s high time we bid farewell to the oppressive hierarchy of levels.

Speaking of turns, it’s about time we dismantled the antiquated, patriarchal system that dictates who goes first. The idea that one character should act before another is an affront to the spirit of cooperation and equality. Why not embrace the chaos and let everyone act simultaneously, leaving no room for preferential treatment?

And finally, we come to the age-old debate of magic. With one form tied to toxic religious conformity and the other to a fascist concept of mystical eugenics, it’s clear that magic has no place in a progressive society. Toss it aside, and let us revel in a world devoid of supernatural prejudice.

Of course, we mustn’t forget the most insidious villain of all: the dreaded dice. A symbol of sexism, these seemingly innocuous objects have been quietly perpetuating gender stereotypes for far too long. Why rely on such outdated tools when we could instead embrace the power of collective decision-making, free from the confines of random chance?

Stefani Laflamme, top right, who works as a dungeon master for Dungeons and Dragons at Lilly Library in Florence, talks to Ivan Harder, 10, from left, Astra Stathis-Lowe, 9, Stuart Hawley, 12, and Sam Robbins, 11, during a game, Wednesday, June 19, 2019.
Wizards of the Coast to remove half-species from Dungeons & Dragons.

As we reach the end of our fantastical voyage, it becomes increasingly evident that the realm of

Dungeons & Dragons is rife with untapped potential for a brave new world of inclusivity and equality. As we stand on the precipice of change, let us take a moment to appreciate the absurdity of it all. The very essence of role-playing games is to explore the limits of our imagination and revel in the joy of shared storytelling.

In our quest to create a more inclusive and diverse game, it’s important to remember that, at its core, Dungeons & Dragons is a work of fiction. While it’s crucial to ensure that players feel welcome and represented, it’s equally essential not to lose sight of the fun and lighthearted nature of the game.

Through wit and whimsy, let us forge a world where wizards can wield swords and fighters can cast spells, where elves and orcs can come together as one, and where adventurers of all shapes and sizes can embark on epic journeys without fear of discrimination.

Half-Elf
Wizards of the Coast to remove half-species from Dungeons & Dragons.

As we peer into the crystal ball of the future, let us hope that Wizards of the Coast, and all who dwell within the realm of Dungeons & Dragons, can strike a balance between sensitivity and silliness, creating a game that’s not only inclusive but also a rollicking good time.

For now, let us raise our goblets and toast to a future filled with laughter, camaraderie, and perhaps just a touch of irony, as we continue to delve into the fantastical realm of Dungeons & Dragons. May our stories be as vibrant as our characters, and may our games forever push the boundaries of our imaginations.

So, dear reader, grab your trusty sword or spellbook and gather your motley crew of adventurers. Let us embark on a journey that defies the constraints of class, attributes, skills, and levels, where magic is merely a backdrop for the true enchantment: the shared experience of friendship and storytelling. After all, isn’t that what Dungeons & Dragons is all about?

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